Typical dating profile

It seems that somehow my profile targets only those that are looking for money, or are spam. For example, the other night I got a message from a lady on Plenty Of and responded to her and then she quickly responded giving me her Yahoo screen name to IM her.After a little while of chatting and waiting and waiting for responses, My response: Unfortunately, you’re running into the sad situation that is online dating.Age of Eligible Bachelors: 18-30Occupation: Let’s be real, do hipsters really work? Someone to explore the city with and then get white girl wasted on Friday nights.Hobbies: Being fucking cool, hanging out in places I don’t know exist yet because they are so on it, one upping each other on the best croissant places, name dropping, drinking obnoxious cocktails Looking For: Someone who is just as cool. A girl who is good at talking you out of brawling with guys at the bar who look at you the wrong way.Age of Eligible Bachelors: 25 and up Occupation: An author, a professor, a yoga guru Hobbies: Wearing argyle sweaters, bestowing Tibetan wisdom, dusting his bookshelf, hanging out with his psychologist friends Looking For: A wife or possibly a mistress.A cultivated lady that knows a thing or two about a thing or two. They love brunch and desperately want to take you to their favorite spot. He’s down to get serious/long-term with you as long as things stay drama free.

Most fake profiles don’t take time to fill in all the sections, or have trouble with correct grammar, or even basic English.

Occupation: Works in an office that doubles as an art gallery or a casting studio or anything else mildly artistic Hobbies: Going to Ed’s Real Scoop for ice cream and being cute, drinking coffee from Tango in parks, visiting their friend’s new cupcake shop Looking For: Someone to spend the rest of their life with. These guys want it all and they’re prepared to pay for it.

They want to invite you over for a BBQ on their quaint back porch, talk about inspirational literature, and drink wine from mason jars with you. Age of Eligible Bachelors: 18-26Occupation: A cook/busser/dishwasher at a vegan restaurant or works at a bicycle shop Hobbies: Full-time pothead, basket weaver, hacky sacker, ukulele strummer, partakes in anything that’s being advertised as “free”Looking For: A low-maintenance girl who is down to sit in many a park, pass a joint and generally be chill with. Age of Eligible Bachelors: 24-35Occupation: A job in finance duh Hobbies: Being on somewhere on King West, smashing lines of blow, bottle service, steroids, clothes that are bedazzled, sleeps occasionally Looking For: Other than an high-class escort?

So, how can singles wade through the muck and find true love?

It’s not as simple as some online dating services claim it is.

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