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Their drivers always look so serene and sane in their middle-class eco-friendly cars, prudent and patient drivers who chill out to NPR while my crazy ass hauls down Hollywood Boulevard at 50 mph, blowing through reds, cutting them off and screaming obscenities.

One of those days, I pissed off a guy off so badly that he chucked a cup full of cigarette butts at my car after screaming “You stupid crazy bitch! That same day, a brownish red Honda drove so slowly down Sunset that I decided to pass him by driving down the wrong side of the road, into oncoming traffic, just to get around him. Regardless, I’m tangled up in a mix of elation, irritability and restlessness.

Another dumb bitch is going on and on and on about her boy troubles, crying hysterically, and I want to punch her in the face. All the other women gaze blissfully into the baby’s eyes, but I want to chuck it across the room. I’m sensitive to noise, sensitive to light (the harsh Southern California sun seems to burn my retinas) and sensitive to any kind of external stimuli. And there are people—in and out of the rooms—who don’t believe in mental illness, despite the scientific evidence in SPECT scans that reveals the physical abnormalities of depressed or manic or schizophrenic brains. I try to get up and write—to work on my book—but I find myself plummeting back down on the bed, my face smashed into the quilt. All I can do is stare into the ether, watch my brain flat-line and let the tears drip down my face..

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